godivas secret

2010-09-28T01:03:00.000-07:00

okay my faithful group of followers, im back. ok so we broke up for good. And it was ugly i had lost interest in writing my blog not knowing really why but deep down it was because he took no interest in it. at all. We had a rock y rocky relationship and i tried to make it work. i tried to act like i didnt see what was going on. having his cake and eating it too. I guess iwas supposed to act. like he was.

Not bashing him at all but he did a job on me! he told anyone who would listen that i didnt trust him and it was my fault we broke up and justother stupid things i have no time for. postingon fb about your relationships past and present. yes present. can you believe that? wow,

i had it and i never thought i would say that i guess its true all the things you accept become the things you regret eventually.
i can honestly say i regret my part in it. not all of it because it was wonderful to love someone if only for that moment.

but my dealings with all the things associated with his life and mine. i cant say to myself that it wouldve worked im saying that it didnt work.
i let god have way on this one i was fighting with the devil and i kept losing. if he isnt supposed to be therethen so be it. i need to be here though. for me.

maybe ill take some type and get to know me a lil better what am i good at? what should i do with my life? things i contemplate everyday. deciding that im not gonna lose. he will. he did.

i have obstacles in my way but nothing i cant get over. i dont wish any bad feelings toward him...hurt feelings yes. still crying yes.still strong? absolutely.
im afighter, im a survivor and i wear my strength everyday.
i know theres more for me that was just a speedbump in my road to happiness.

goodnight.

2010-04-25T15:05:00.000-07:00

love....

okay so ive been with my baby for 15 months now and i guess we're going strong
except for the little spats which broke us up a few times.i thought about being single and what impact that woiuld have on my life(without him)
and i dont think alot would change but in retrospect it has changed.
not to say it hasnt changed for the better but not the worst either.
i believe we have a lot of growing to do as indiviuals and with that comes great responsibility and strengtth on both parts. i do love him but maybe just maybe theres more out there that im not exploring or just hasnt come my way yet.
hes sweet and kind (lil stubborn) but all in all a good guy. its not that i want someone else, just a little more in terms of communication. is this why some women cheat? lack of communication? understanding her feelings, or just attention?

2009-11-10T14:58:00.000-08:00

ok ok this is what i look like going out as you can see i wear clothes like this not too sexy not too conservative...but what about the women who tend to let it all hang out?

bootie out,boobs out and theyre the ones that get all the drinks!!!! lol

my bff dresses like shes on a jay-z video i love her to death but sometimes, i feel like she gets all the attention....dont men like women who are classy not trashy??

2009-09-11T15:32:00.000-07:00

why do we do this??

i have a friend whos a member of AA and she goes out with us and doesnt drink....but on the other hand i have a friend who drinks till the cows come home...i often wondered why she does this..as far as i go, i dont drink that much i hate the feeling of being drunk, disoriented, and falling down.

I like to be connected. i like to know what im dong and whos doing what to me and watching whos just waiting for a drunk chick to take home and violate.

being drunk in public as a woman is classless, unresponsible and just plain ignorant.

then theres the girls who drink their problems away and those who start fights because they're drunk.

IM not saying that im better than them or anything but damn chick you cant hold your liquor so dont drink like a fish and say the next day "girl, you know how i get when i drink"....no excuses!!

i've often asked my friend when we go out not to drink that much so she she can be sober cause shes one of those people who get liquid courage and a nasty attitude with everyone!! ahhhhh!

When im ready to go out i make sure shes not drinking before we leave and i moderate what shes consuming cause theres nothing more unattractive than a drunk chick!!!

married?

2009-08-25T13:31:00.000-07:00

Married men: why are some women infatuated with them?
definition: historically, a mistress was also known as a kept woman,who was maintained in a comfortable or even lavish lifestyle by a wealthy man SO THAT SHE WOULD BE AVAILABLE FOR HIS SEXUAL PLEASURE!!!
but what about the women who choose to pursue only married men?
Is there a infatuation with these men?
is it the fact that he can settle down with one woman? that he is stable? but this woman hopes that he would choose her if things at home go bad?
or is it just that they love thrill of the chase?
lets look deeper:
alot of these women are younger, they dont know what they want and in the case of this married man sometimes its the allure of a father figure.
its the notion that hes "taking care of her".
A n d that she feels secure but in reality shes only there for his pleasure and ego.
Not all of these women are younger alot of them are older and they have a whole different set of issues:
not feeling loved(in their past or current relationships), failed relationships,
not knowing their worth (in terms of how you are perceived by these men)
im not falling for the gold-digger status many of these women come attached with but rather the low self-esteem issues whereas these women get a boost from these men saying that their wonderful and that their gonna leave their wives for them but, which almost never happens.
And then theres the cougars!!!
these women are desperate for a man..any man.
married, single, divorced,as long as hes breathing.
they may be widows themselves and dont want the inconvience of taking on another husband but will gladly take someone elses.
last but not least, the women who just dont care.
they have no deeper issue,
they love themselves and care for this man even if he isnt hers.
she does not care about your kids together, she doesnt care about your baby thats on the way, she DOES NOT CARE!!!
And will tell you in a heartbeat you shouldve been taking care of him or she wouldnt have to.
(what a BITCH!!! RIGHT??)
What do women like me and you do??
unfortunately, nothing.
we can threaten,fight, stalk, and in most cases leave our husbands but the decision to quit this behavior lies within our man..
And we all know if left up to them theyll do it as long as you dont find out.
Ladies, stick to your guns!! and if you find him cheating , no matter how much he apologizes hes still a liar and remember if you didnt catch him would he have told you???
as far as she goes:shes a loser and dont waste your time asking her questions( we cant resist!!!)
Or wanting to see what she says he said and all that other bull that doesnt matter....
your better than that and better than her.

beauty

2009-08-21T15:37:00.000-07:00

i was recently going through a blog that featured many artworks by this innovative artist kara walker.....what is your definiton of the picture?? what do you see? and how it relates to black women of today?

I was both intrigued and moved by this particular piece, and what it actually means to be a black woman in America.
As a black woman in America, we tend to always feel as thought we are competing with other races... we want to hold up to someone elses standard of beauty..are we as black women trying to live up to this misconception that we all have to look white or possess some caucasion features to be deemed beautiful?
what about the black girls who don blonde hair and contacts??
the long weave? or are we just holding up our own feelings of inadequetcy, in this lighter than a paper bag rule in our own communities?
is it because our black men arent even dating us anymore they want something a bit more exotic??
i remember when black women were considered exotic, beautiful, and strong.
now in the media, weve been reduced to big butt video chicks, and baby mamas.
family structure is out the window and so are a lot of our morals and values with it.
what can we do? what should we do?

letting it go......

2009-08-20T11:13:00.000-07:00

theres the inevitable question when we see one of our friends with a guy that treats her crappy....why is she still with him???
and we get the inevitable answer: i love him and i cant let him go.
lets examine this for a moment.
him: treats her like crap and cheats and maybe even hits her.
her:has children with him, first love, every excuse in the book why shes still with him
you:wtf?!!!
for some women its a self-esteem issue, for some its just stupidity..
how can you save her?
you cant.
shes bound to this loser until she sees that hes no good for her and that she deserves better than that..
to be fair lets discuss men who are in this type of relationship:
him:low self-esteem, doesnt feel like he can get anyone else(see a pattern?)
older cat who just aint pulling the ladies anymore,lonely(remember loneliness makes us pick up strange bedfellows),children(baby mama)
her:cheats, takes the car to pick up other men, stays out till ....(whenever)
has a private phone,tells him her liasons are cousins or related in some way, has lots of male friends out of the blue,hes home babysitting while she runs the street
you:wtf?!!
how can you help?
you cant!
hes one of those men thats handsome, sweet,will do anything for the woman hes with but..he chooses to be with this loser who doesnt know what she wants but likes the fact that she has him wrapped around her little finger.
why is it so hard to see that this person is a loser?
that youve become prisoner to his/her actions and that theres hope for someone like you caught in this doomed relationship?
and by the time you get to the grass on the other side your too old to jump the fence?
in most cases is it the money?
is it the children?
or are you just that much of a loser yourself that you cant see how others are treating you?
at any rate:heres my advice:
lifes too short to put yourself on hold for someone and their issues...and when your life flashes before your eyes make sure its worth watching!!!

cookout.....

2009-08-12T16:02:00.000-07:00

ok my sister just called me and asked if i wanted to go to my sister in laws cookout...
i dont wanna!!!!
(dont you hate being dragged somewhere you really dont wanna go?)
not that i dont like her, its just that her man tried to hit on me a few years ago and he told her brother my sisters husband that i hit on him.
SO NOT TRUE!
i just dont want to be around him and its a family thing and i would look guilty if i didnt go...(she doesnt know anything)
but i dont want to be in a situation where she does find out and feels like i kept it from her..what s a girl to do??
i cant take my baby with me cause he has to work, so im doing this one alone...
i guess i can be cordial and tell him frankly that im not interested(if it happens again) and ???and?? should i tell or handle mine? HELP!!!!

my baby

2009-08-11T18:21:00.000-07:00

my baby is getting on my nerves!!!!!

my baby has no idea about women!!! real women...i have to tell him what women like (not sexually, no prob there)......compliments, hugs, kisses and when were fishing for comments from them ...when we want to be told we look nice or that were desirable to them but, my poor baby has been in relationships with women who;s only concern was what he can do for them and im not like that...i want him to do whatever he needs to do for himself and ill be ok, he just doesnt get it sometimes, he spoils me and thinks that takes up for whats lacking (to me ) emotionally.

dont get it twisted followers, i love to get spoiled but i want a kiss sometimes for no reason and a compliment when im looking official...officially sexy.

what can i do??? i love him alot but when do the compliments get less and less?

are you around each other too much?

should i get a pole in the basement?

idk, any suggestions would be appreciated!!!

2009-07-28T08:32:00.000-07:00

just when the caterpillar thought life was over.....it became a butterfly!!--

i love this quote because when you think your down and out

god gives us another chance and we should take it

and not waste it:
i just recently lost my niece as of 7/27/09
we dont know the cause just yet she was only 17
we never know what GOD has in store for us
and we never know when its our time but
always remember::what you reap is what you sow and
your children will suffer those sins also...
we are at the end of days,and all this superficial non-sense
that people are concerning themselves with is un called for...
and the only thing we need to really concern ourselves with is
getting our place in his kingdom....forever!!!
god bless...

R.I.P. TAMIKA!!! SEE YOU WHEN I GET THERE!!

2009-07-26T08:30:00.000-07:00

I was asked just recently what kind of music i like...

I love r&b of course, but i felt a bit reluctant to say what else i listen to because whenever i mention my music taste is eclectic i get stared at: ex: sarah mclaughlin, the fray, maroon 5, dido, carrie underwood, avril lavigne, even madonna here and there....as far aas rap goes...ummmm...not really my cup of tea. ok, lemme be honest jay-z, nicki minaj, remy(doing her numbers, keep ya head up ,ma) common, and few more..

reggae, soca, (island girl, so its in me!!!)

i wanted to know what else people listen to besides the usual.....what do you listen to???

2009-07-25T12:39:00.000-07:00

for all of those who have stopped by, left comments and are followers :

marry who???

2009-07-25T09:29:00.000-07:00

I believe theres alot to be said for
the single ladies out there
who dont care if he puts a ring on it or not...

I've had the yearning for the whole wedding thing...the cake, the flowers, the dress,and the happily ever afters....but i think im destined to be a bridesmaid for life...

I've been to 5 weddings in my whole life and it seems that everyone was getting hitched but me.

i havent completely given up on it,I'm just not that into it anymore..i deff dont want to be the only one of my sisters who isnt married but in my defense some of those that are married arent happy...

will i always be the single girl at weddings???(btw, i caught the bouquet twice!! twice!!)

and to no avail...im still not married.

i know some women today feel like getting married is a waste and would rather settle for right here right now,and all the details can work itself out later.

but when you ask these women if theyre happy the answer is always "yes".

can it be??can you can have a relationship for years and years and still be considered his girlfriend or his "wifey"and still say im happy with that?

i couldnt imagine going years in, kids, cars, co- habitating and still no true commitment....thats why i never married my kids father...i wanted to be happy and he wasnt gonna be the happiness i wanted... i know when to call it quits and marriage is a strong word to some men and maybe he wasnt ready but i was....so now hes left wondering what happened...alone.

dont get it twisted i still wanna get married and i still think about it ....not often, but I do.

trust.....

2009-07-23T13:28:00.000-07:00

trust has never been an issue in my relationship but.....

We go to Ruby tuesdays in times square we're almost finished our appetizers , and he has to go to the restroom, no longer that 2 minutes since hes left his phone starts ringing....not one to answer his phone so i let it continually ring . I sneak a peek at the name(going in the memory bank for later). he comes back looks at his phone and says nothing, being me and all i asked him "who was that"? he says "just a friend"...wtf!!!

'who'? i asked.
he hits me with "you dont know her"...

woooooooooow!!! this fool sits back and continues to eat his big ass burger...

so what do i do you ask????

not wanting to make a scene in the restaurant about some chick i dont know, i just continue my dinner like nothing happened.

BUT, on the inside im mad as hell!!!!!

i just took the advice of a fellow blogger "don't snoop, your gonna find something you dont want if you do".

SO, i didnt probe him anymore but, im left with the feeling that i shouldve dug deeper....i dont want him to think that because i didnt say anything that its ok for him to be "friends" with this chick i dont know and the bigger question is: does she know about me?

the bottom line is I dont like to be played for a fool....i dont know if i should ask him to introduce us, or just trust that hes being faithful? i need some real advice before i smack the mess outta him......

cute!!!

2009-07-18T12:57:00.000-07:00

just when you thought youve seen the cutest puppy pic.....heres my fav!!!

2009-07-18T11:30:00.000-07:00

different how???

in my header of my blog i said that i was different and the world sees me different...for those who havent read my older posts the difference is that i am a survivor .....a burn survivor. there was a fire at my house when i was a year old and i was hospitalized with third degree burns on my hands ,arms, and forehead...

At first, i was reluctant to post it but then i saw this episode of 20/20 last night and they showcased triplets who were burned in a house fire, and they were saying how they were always afraid to show their arms(like me), they thought that because of what happened to them they would never be accepted(like me),but then they came of their shell (like me). being scarred is traumatic and crippling.
In life you never know whos talking behind your back and then you dont know if someone thinks your weird or strange or just stare at you.(i hate that)
In school when everyone else was dating i wasnt, when people were experiencing their first kiss, i didnt. there was a lot of life i missed out on ,but as you can see the perpetual ugly duckling has turned into a beautiful swan...I still have my scars but a swan nonetheless.

2009-07-17T15:54:00.000-07:00

i believe i have a little photographer
in me trying to get out.....
took these pics two days ago from the old man who
lives down the street. since his wife died
he keeps up the garden, wow love is a powerful thing.

thanks mr.carl......xoxo

2009-07-17T11:18:00.000-07:00

REALLY??

why do women feel reluctant about making friends with other women, but have no problem opening up and sharing with a man they've just met?

is the sisterhood dead?????

I can understand the trust factor, but in the case of the woman who's trying to establish this new friendship isnt she just putting herself out there and possibly setting herself up for rejection??

and what about the woman whos being pursued as the new friend? She doesn't know what to expect either(single white female, hand that rocks the cradle,remember those chicks???)
but when you have two women who meet and have some things in common,WHERE'S THE PROBLEM???

Popular opinion is that women are used to their already established friends....
we've been through the crisis, the tears, the make-ups, the break-up together and getting a new girlfriend for some is just a time consuming waste of time.

Alot of us arent open to new friends, but in my case i only have three friends and im open to meet new people and expand my friend circle.,but its hard.

You never know if you're offending this person,if your too hood, too eager, too pushy and in most cases too nice.

so what do we do????

My only advice to women out there looking to make new friends,be yourself.
And if that doesnt work let your new friends come to you..if your a great person like me ...they will come.

2009-07-11T10:58:00.000-07:00

im mad as hell....................

ok i leave my d&g dominatrix shoes at my bff's house over the weekend and she calls me and tells me she let another one of our friends wear them and that persons car gets impounded....with my shoes in them.ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

ok im not this big shot diva kinda girl but i do love shoes especially the ones i paid money for and my friend doesnt buy her shoes the way i buy my shoes (payless anyone?) i go to dsw, bakers, nine west, endless.com i buy shoes.
she is responsible for them and i want my money now!!!!

best friend or not im getting tired of her shenanigans(yea, i said shenanigans)
shes irresponsible when it comes to her things and i trusted that if i put them away she would leave them there until i was ready to pick them up. not so.

i'd hate to give her the silent treatment over shoes but they were my fav pair and now their gone...i cannot forgive.

another question: where does it say because were friends i have to suck it up as a loss and just get the money for them and be ok?

money isnt the issue, its the fact that she has no regard for my things and did i mention they were my fav pair???

im mad at her and she knows it.

excuse me ,while i cry.

2009-07-07T19:49:00.000-07:00

well the blog is green today and lets talk money.... and men!!!

i recently had a discussion with my bff the other day at the bar...ok lemme tell you what happened and why we were discussing this new phenom.

my bff dee is what you would call almost every mans dream...light-skinned, big booty, long weave and when she gets drunk its whatever(no offense but its true girl, you know it). Anyhoo, there was this guy that she"d had been screwing for a few weeks and she said he had a friend now as you all can see im practically engaged,lol. And that he wanted to meet me (i dont know if he wanted to meet me as a friend or he wanted to reap the same benefits as his friend) but either way i wasnt interested...so, reluctantly we meet (lemme tell you!!!! he was an adonis)
chocolate, built ford tough and the nicest dreads, beautiful smile and all...
upon the initial introduction he asks me "so what do you do for a living? How do you make your money to hang out?

flabbergasted!
i left a little to the imagination i said "i get by and why are you so concerned with my money issues ,we just met?" he took it for what it was and decided i wasnt whatever for him and left. No goodbye, nothing.

which led me to ask the question: upon meeting someone interested or not, does your credit score or lack thereof really determine the men you attract or dont attract?

the friend comes into the bar and has all these excuses why he left( he doesnt drink, hes in real estate and he wanted to know if you were interested in real estate) i told him cut the bullshit and keep the shit real...finally.
he says "well hes been played before by women and hes just keeping an eye on his wallet, and hes about his money"

i was relieved that his friend told the truth(KINDA THATS HIS BOY SO....) but, i was offended that his first question was about my coach wallet...and what was in it.

i guess he wanted this fantasy woman who has her own but lets be honest...
if i did have my own he would have never known...i dont feel like it was tactful,
he was arrogant, and he relied solely on his looks and i think the tables in his case were turned i think hes played a few women and i didnt have enough to support his ego.

theres nothing wrong with having your own ladies,but when hes bumping that neyo shit make sure he has his own too....

to roc(the guy at the bar) FUCK OFF!!!!

2009-06-28T11:23:00.000-07:00

ONE MORE PIC!!!!

2009-06-28T11:20:00.000-07:00

I LOVE ME SOME HIM......SOMETIMES..LOL

I_DELICIOUS

2009-06-28T11:10:00.000-07:00

THIS IS HOW I FEEL SOMETIMES........ LITTLE IS REALLY KNOW ABOUT THE ARTIST OF THESE PAINTINGS BUT I DO HAVE THE WEB SITE (OVER 50 PAINTINGS) AND YOU TELL ME WHICH GIRL DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH? PAINTALICIOUS.ORG THE PAINTINGS OF LESIA C.

MICHEAL

2009-06-28T10:58:00.000-07:00

as for me......im very upset about micheal jacksons passing it seems so surreal to me that hes gone.....and for those naysayers who view him as a pedophile, a freak, or whatever they wanna call him remember.....no man is without sin.
What a lot of people dont understand is that micheal himself was a victim of child abuse(not to justify ANYTHING!!!) But in our community sexual abuse is swept under the rug and forgotten about ,except by the victim. if micheals story didnt tell us anything remember to listen to your children,nieces,nephews,grands,neighbors and most of all our instincts around certain people.

by the way micheal:::
i cried when my dad told me ben was a mouse....RIP DADDY AND MICHEAL!!!!!!

exes:::

2009-06-26T19:10:00.000-07:00

ok ok ok in a very carrie bradshaw-esque kinda way im gonna have to as this question.......

am i the only woman on the planet who is jealous of her mates past relationships?

am i the only one who wishes she would just go away?

not just her name and number but her existence in any form????(too harsh?)

well i dont care!!!!! lol

i just want him to forget....Her hair, Her eyes, the way she moved,

the way they would share intimate moments together ,how she held his heart in her hands ,and how she used those same hands to crush it???

And ultimately how he tells you every other second he gets how wrong she did him?

for his sake i would want to erase any memory of her, and how i want to say to her that im upset that she did that to him and how im picking up the pieces of his broken heart....and shes horrible!!!!!

but then i think....

hes kinda holding on to this pain like a crutch in a sense ..

ex:"i was in love before and shes ruined me, im not ready to say certain things now cause im damaged i wanna protect my heart this time"

say what ???negro?!

then i have to ask the question: in relationships are we all playing second-fiddle?

george....

2009-06-13T16:47:00.000-07:00

well heres my first official blog!!! And i welcome those who the world has forgotten....

defining moments in our lives: a wedding? a funeral? a birth?

let's get a bit more intimate: first kiss? first love? first time?

for me it was the first time someone said i was BEAUTIFUL.

its not like i wasnt told before that i was pretty ,but beautiful????

i was astounded!!!

it was by this boy named george ( i was 12) he had a serious crush on me..

he would bring me flowers, teddy bears, and valentines (awwwwww, i know)

i was not impressed...

not because i didnt like him but i was too concerned with people on my block who said i shouldnt like him.

because he didnt dress nice or didnt have a lot at home, and i being in the position of someone who was always picked on ,i shunned him....(i know i know but i was 12 and that was just something else they would ridicule me for)....

so i didnt like him and not realizing that i too was in the same pigeon-hole as he and he could easily come out of his hole with a lil bit of tweaking the clothes, hair and shoes but sadly, for me i wouldnt be so lucky.

my alterations would neither make me normal or accepted..
im what you would call the perpetual ugly duckling!!!
i was in a house fire at the age of 1 and been scarred pretty severely on my hands and little on my forhead ( bangs are amazing!!!!!)

and i guess i watched a little too much t.v. to think that the world was my oyster
and no matter what the pearl looked like i would flourish...that i was special.
but then life taught me a cruel lesson about just being yourself...
not everyone lives by the same mantra and different is weird,scary,funny,and overall noone wants to be different.and i never wanted to accept the life i was chosen and i wanted to be like everyone else...sorta.

back to george ...
i saw him a few years and kids later and he looked amazing( the other ugly duckling)married i might add....
i did feel bad about how i treated him and not because he looked AMAZING!!!!!
he asked if i would keep in touch via facebook and i said sure!!
now at my age im still looking for that george, some who liked me no matter what and didnt care what anyone thought.
as far as he goes i dont feel like i missed out i feel like i have a destiny to fulfill
and if george wasnt a part of the master plan facebook will do....

2009-06-13T16:34:00.000-07:00

its my first post as a blogger im trying desperately not to screw this up and for those who have just started to read my blogs let me inform you that im one tough cookie.... as you will see as my blog posts get more interesting by the day....why godiva ?you ask ....well im sweet ,chocolate ,and a naughty after dinner treat or if your just in the mood for some chocolate....here i am .